spiritual awakening

while I was in Hawaii in January, I was at the edge of Waimea canyon, looking at the amazing colors and the long, cascading waterfalls. at that moment, I was told that some of the people of Hawaii refer to the natural earth as MANA, and that if you talk to MANA, it will talk back to you. as a person who has been spiritually lost for a long time, that was the first religious statement in a long time that truly spoke to me. ever since then, I found peace in the Earth as a spiritual being; in that our energy is not living on the Earth, but instead is feeding it with our souls and it is feeding us with its energy.

as I have been here in Thailand, I have not only been overwhelmed with the passion and positivity that the people (both Thai and American) have in their own spirituality, but also I have been pleasantly overwhelmed by how spiritual I have been feeling. I truly felt lost at the start of my time here, confused and angry at the sense of tiredness and disconnect that was overcoming my entire body. I was experiencing, but simply just not connecting. fast forward to after my weekend at Mom Fah state park and my soul immediately feels refreshed. I was able to get out of the city and live on the side of Doi Suthep mountain right next to the most beautiful waterfall that I have ever seen. I felt my entire soul at peace, I was HAPPY. I was finally getting that feeling of connectedness that my entire body has been craving this trip. at one point, I was lying in the pool of water by the falls, listening to nothing but the rushing water fall down the rocks. I felt so spiritual at this moment- I felt that I was in need of something to fill the hole that was piercing my soul and MANA gave me what I needed.

on the ride home, I was feeling angry and upset that I had to leave. I could feel my entire body starving for more time in this ‘middle-of-nowhere-esc’ place. I was extremely hesitant to go back to the city. I didn’t want to go back to the craziness of Chiang Mai. I was reflecting and trying to work out WHY I was feeling hatred and resentment toward Chiang Mai, when it seemed like everyone else on the trip loved it. many of them even would say that they wanted to live here or retire here, but I couldn’t wait to get out. I was so confused as to WHY I was feeling such opposite emotions than most of my friends. I was frustrated and angry with myself for feeling this way and for wishing my time in the city away.

as I thought more about my internal struggle, I was soon able to come to peace with my feelings. I made the realization that Chaing Mai is one of the furthest places from my spiritual happy place as possible. there is an overdose of people, trash on the super highways, and extreme uses of plastic. people use cars or motorbikes or buses to do just about anything and the exhaust in the air is so thick that it gives you a headache.

luckily, I was able to have a mental discovery that my spiritual place, where I thrive and where my body and soul is the happiest, is where I am existing within the ecosystem of the natural world. where I completely immerse myself in nature and when I am as close to MANA as possible. I feel spiritual, at peace, and connected.

my disconnect comes when I am in a place where the natural world is of low priorities; where the people care more about ease and profit than the halt of plastic use. where people complain about rain but also complain about the sun. I have been having so much anxiety about going back to Chiang Mai because it’s not my place. it thrives on pouring pavement over the mountains and exhaust into the air. no wonder I felt a stronger spiritual connection to the park ranger than to anyone else here in the city.

take it easy~

aria